No doubt about it, weekends should be spent relaxing on some peaceful beach littered with coconut trees as you sip a fresh coconut juice right from its fruit all the while hearing Moana’s voice in your head:
See the line where the sky
Meets the sea
It calls me
And no one knows
How far it goes..
Or maybe you’re broke so you just settle on some corner in your room on your PJs, few burnt toasts or pancakes (or both), a cup of hot coffee and a lousy movie. It’s certainly not the perfect time to be productive when you’re already kinda burnt out from a week’s worth of work. But what if you can have both?
I’m definitely not the kind of person you should go to for advice on what to do during weekends. Heck, I feel triumphant if I can just drag myself out of bed and get some cooking done—at least before the sun sets that is. This weekend particularly though, I was hit by idk, some kind of persistent energy perhaps to just go do something outside. So I searched the Hanoi Events Facebook page and sure enough, I found something that fits for me. Thank god for technology, right? Any events around any area have become easier to share and access. I believe there’s always that one event for anybody so never stop looking.
Hanoi is a big city and it’s full of expats so naturally, there’s like tons of events available. What caught my attention was this event title though: “I Am My Own Muse”. Look at the full event description below:
I mean, it’s not like I hate myself or anything but the whole thing got me intrigued. Also, I’m not entirely new to self-love thingy as I have a Tumblr account and like, the whole topic is a biggie on that site. There’s different quotes circulating around about mental health awareness and helpful tips on how to take better care of our mental health. Undeniably, I can find a quote or two or more on my feed at times. Come to think of it, I guess in a way, Tumblr is a huge help in making my self-confidence be on one of its best shapes. It’s not perfect of course but there’s just some comfort in knowing you’re not alone and your struggles are valid and that they matter despite how trivial they may appear to others. I probably should make a separate post on this one…
Anyways.
I know what you must be thinking. Self-love apparently includes (in bullet form) loving not just our body and our face but also our vagina. Umm.. I mean, we get the body and the face part but like the “v”, too? It’s just not too common, isn’t it? I signed up for it feeling just as confused as you and trying to ignore the fact that it starts at 10AM so I should be ready at 9:30AM at most. The location is quite far from where I’m staying, you see. Oh, and I’m supposed to bring a lipstick and a mirror. I don’t have both so I had to buy them. I haven’t really thought much about it. I went out as if I’m just going to buy a missing vegetable for my next dish but when I arrived at the shop, there’s like tons of lipstick colors to choose from. Okay. Shall I go for orange? Red? Pink? Brown? I was trying to consider which color I’d probably look best then I stopped myself. It’s just how I’ve been conditioned to think. I told myself it shouldn’t matter too much. That I should go for anything that looks pretty for me so I went for pink. It just looks sassy.
I didn’t exactly expect I’d like it but when I tried it on me, I couldn’t stop smiling and looking at my lips. Needless to say, I felt beautiful. And I think that’s a lot coming from me because I seldom feel beautiful. Sure, I often feel happy and free and at peace and these feelings are just like the things that’s always ranked ahead of beauty. I don’t even think beauty’s included in the ranking at all. I just haven’t paid much attention to physical beauty I guess and when I tried to think deeply about it, I figured it’s just something that I’ve long learned not to identify myself with. I have built these walls consciously or unconsciously against things that I’ve always known are not “me”—things that I’d hate to define me. But why? Why wouldn’t I want to be identified as the girl who puts on makeup? Why wouldn’t I want to be identified as the girl who cares about how she looks? Do I make myself anything less by being that kind of girl? Would it make me uncool (oh yes, I indeed believe I’m cool)? If vanity is all people choose to see on girls like them, then certainly the problem isn’t in them.. And therefore should matter less, if at all.
Let me tell you one more thing. Back in my country, I don’t wear dresses if I can help it. Again, just another thing I’ve learned *not to be*. Coming here though, seeing a lot of girls on their beautiful dresses, I started liking the idea of it. Before long, I found myself sifting through shops after shops looking for a dress that fits my taste. And I did find some. And I did enjoy wearing them. I felt beautiful and happy and just.. free.
I can’t help thinking how many more things people are missing out on simply because we believe they shouldn’t define us. Things we would probably enjoy if we didn’t care so much about being associated with them. Because really, what does it matter? Who cares if we like dresses or makeup or tattoos or dreadlocks or pastel hair colors or witchcraft or piercings on unconventional places or whatever? Does it make us less of who we are? Less cool, less interesting, less intelligent, less awesome? If you think yes, by whose standards? And why do you think does that standard matter so much? Because maybe, it doesn’t. If anything, maybe it makes us so much more—so much more ourselves—a person who is so much more than the book they’re reading, the video games they’re playing, the places they’ve been, the friends they have, the career they chose, the coffee they keep ordering at Starbucks, the music they listen to when they feel like dancing (or moping), the dish they know by heart, the movie they’ve watched more than a hundred times, and yes, a person who is so much more than the makeup they put on their faces. All of us are everything we are at once. And we’ve got to understand that what we are does not need to be set in stone. I mean, we aren’t meant to be the same person our whole lives, are we? So why not experiment? Let’s go and surprise ourselves. Or else, we’ll never find out if makeup or yoga or diving or dreadlocks or belly dancing or tattoos or painting or pottery or piercings are our thing, after all.
Now, wait for me as I look up some makeup tutorials on YouTube. It sounds like a lot of fun to try out different looks on my face!
Ooppss, how’s the event you ask? It was good, actually. It included some meditation, group discussions and interesting activities—one that includes picking a picture of a woman that we think is the most beautiful among all the other pictures. The activity was extra harder for me since I couldn’t find my picture. 😀 (Hey, they did laugh at my joke.) Then, we were asked to list down 10 things that we find beautiful on the woman we picked. We discussed what we wrote for some minutes then afterward, we were asked to look at each of our facial and body features using the mirror we brought. You could probably guess what we did next. We then listed down the 10 things we find beautiful in ourselves. The host then asked thoughtfully which one we found easier to do. Listing down the things we find beautiful in others or in ourselves? And the other girls were like, yeah, the former is easier. Though it’s easy to find things they like in themselves too except they also easily started criticizing some parts. I was kinda at a loss actually because although I do like some of my physical attributes like my natural curly hair, what I like best and what I paid attention more about myself aren’t physical at all. It may sound cliché I guess but like, I’ve always believed while growing up that it’s on the inside that matters. It must have been the books that I’ve been reading. I don’t think the host had truly got her message across well enough on this one but a friend of mine got few good insights. He said something like..
“Well, I dunno if loving stuff about yourself is necessary, but I think it’s extremely important to be content with it at least. E.g. to not feel unattractive.”
I totally agree with him and would have appreciated the event more if this point had been stressed out. I mean, sure, you could accept what you are on the inside 100% yet deep down, loathe what you are on the outside. It could feel good for sometime if you won’t let it bother you but then wouldn’t you be living in denial? You could keep flying, however, no matter how hard you try, you may find you still can’t reach the skies and it’s probably because some parts of your wings are clipped—and refusing to see it does not make it any less real.
Overall, the activity was good especially coming from someone who joined it for the first time and didn’t know what to expect. I’m just glad that I did something *productive* on my weekend and found out more about myself in the process. It’s been a happy surprise. 🙂
walking life barefoot. 